


Finite Incantatem

by orphan_account



Series: GOT7 Hogwarts au [1]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Comedy, Crack, Gen, M/M, iridae, jackson is chaotic, there's a lot of penis, this is a penis fic without all the boinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:15:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23026150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Jackson does things to his dick. (No, really.)
Relationships: Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Series: GOT7 Hogwarts au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1654876
Kudos: 1





	Finite Incantatem

**Author's Note:**

> houses (years)-  
> gryffindor: mark (7), kunpimook (4)  
> slytherin: jinyoung (6)  
> ravenclaw: jaebum (7), yugyeom (4)  
> hufflepuff: jackson (6), youngjae (5)

“Have you ever-”

“We are not playing this game.”

“-used magic on your dick?” Jackson finishes anyway, ignoring Jinyoung’s attempt at quickly cutting short what everyone in their carriage knows is only going to end in tears. No one answers the question at first, either; they all just turn to squint at Jackson like he’s just sprouted another head. (Which wouldn’t be all that strange, considering all seven boys are young wizards currently on their way to school on the Hogwarts Express, but still.) Jackson just blinks back at them innocently. “What?”

“Why the hell would you do that?” Jaebum asks, his shiny Head Boy’s badge sitting proudly atop the Ravenclaw robes he’s already changed into. Swot.

Jackson just looks back at him like Jaebum’s the one being ridiculous before glancing at the others for some kind of support. He gets none, but continues on anyway. “Why _wouldn’t_ you? We’re fucking wizards, man; there must be _so many_ dick spells to try!”

“Just because they’re there doesn’t mean it’d be a good idea to _use_ them,” Mark points out, one hand laid casually on top of the legs Jinyoung has thrown over Mark’s lap.

Mark’s changed into his robes, too, but his is a more casual look than Jaebum’s top-button-and-peanut-tie combination, so Jackson doesn’t judge him for it. Mark was wearing his Gryffindor scarf when this journey began, as well, but Jinyoung has since stolen it and draped it over his own neck ‘because he can’. He lifts the material to his face every now and then to breathe in the smell of the muggle-born boyfriend that Jinyoung hasn’t seen all summer, like he thinks none of the others are going to notice him being gross, but of course they do. Still, no one says anything for fear of aggravating the resident Slytherin of the group.

(That being said, Yugyeom had pointed out earlier that if any of Jinyoung’s fellow Slytherins happened to spot him in a Gryffindor scarf, Jinyoung would most likely be skinned alive by his housemates. Naturally, Jinyoung just advised Yugyeom to ‘shut the fuck up,’ and Yugyeom rolled his eyes into his Divination textbook but did as he was told anyway because there is just no arguing with Jinyoung. Ever.)

“Do you think people have used dick spells before?” Youngjae asks then, playing with the coins in his hand and paying just enough attention to his friends to keep himself entertained while he waits for the food trolley to come trundling down the corridor.

He and Mark are both muggle-born, which is fine, but when you’re as addicted to wizard candy as Youngjae is the long summer holidays can get a little tough. Now he’s back, Youngjae is desperate to get his hands on as many of Bertie Botts’ Every Flavour Beans as possible, just so he knows he really is on his way back to Hogwarts again. Jackson, being from a long line of (somewhat unremarkable) magical folk, understands none of what Youngjae goes through and finds his desperation kind of hysterical, but a sense of solidarity with his fellow Hufflepuff stops Jackson from teasing him too much.

The conversation goes on.

“Someone will have at _some_ point, definitely. Some _pervert_.” Jaebum nods at Youngjae’s question, aiming that last comment at Jackson who splutters and gasps in utter indignation at the thought of it.

“ _I’m not a pervert_!”

He says it with strength, determination -- Jackson speaks like he resents the accusation that he is anything but an angel, and anyone who didn’t know Jackson very well would have been totally convinced by him.

Unfortunately for Jackson, his friends are having none of it;

“ _Bullshit_ \--remember when you went around telling everyone that you’re actually an animagus because you’re ‘an animal in bed’?”

“Remember when you tried to _transfigure my clothes off_ in third year?!”

“Don’t forget when that fourth year girl punched you in the face because you tried to _Wingardium Leviosa_ her skirt.”

“And once you bought a thousand packs of Every Flavour Beans because you wanted to find one that tasted like ass!”

“ _That was a scientific experiment_!” Jackson yells over the noise, giving all six of his friends a very serious look as they quiet down again. “I was _experimenting_ , alright? It’s not wrong if it’s for science.”

Kunpimook frowns back at him then, curiously. “Well… Did you find one?”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jinyoung snaps, “why would they make an ass-flavoured sweet?”

“Well they do say ‘Every Flavour’...” Yugyeom mutters darkly. They all turn to watch Youngjae, then, who’s so far been ignoring their conversation as the old lady with the food trolley has finally rolled up outside their carriage.

A minute or so goes by before Youngjae turns back to face the others, with lighter pockets and his hands full of beans, looking up with wide eyes when he realises that they’re all still staring at him in silence. “What?”

Jaebum narrows his eyes at the beans, like he knows he should say something to warn Youngjae but he’s far too curious about the potential of this ‘experiment’ to stop him. Eventually, he breaks the silence that’s engulfed the carriage by simply muttering; “Nothing.”

Just like that, the quiet is gone and the conversation pulls itself back on course.

“Anyway,” Jackson says determinedly, “in the name of science, I am going to experiment with magic and dicks.”

“This is a bad idea,” Mark tells him.

“Ha! Alright, Mark, say that again when I’ve got a five-foot shlong and Jinyoung’s still sucking on your two-incher!” Jackson snorts obnoxiously.

Jinyoung punches him.

The first step Jackson deems reasonable to take with his experimenting is to make his dick bigger.

Like, it's a pretty decent size already, (definitely bigger than Mark's, Jackson is sure to specify whenever Jinyoung is around, just because it pisses him off) but with magic it could be even _bigger_ , and Jackson wouldn't mind that one bit. So he wakes early the next morning and takes a moment to check that none of the other boys in his dormitory are up yet before hunkering down under his duvet, lifting the elastic waistband of his pyjama trousers and pointing his wand (eucalyptus and billywig stinger, 10 inches and sturdy) towards his crotch.

Jackson doesn't have the foresight or sense of self-preservation that might have made him stop and hope for the best, so he just goes ahead and whispers " _engorgio_ " without so much as a second thought, watching with rapt curiosity as his junk starts to swell. It’s very odd -- it doesn’t feel like arousal or anything, there’s none of that bloodrush or spike of excitement, it’s just a kind of bubbling under the skin. For a second it's kind of terrifying, actually, because it occurs to Jackson all of a sudden that his dick might never actually _stop_ getting bigger, but luckily it does stop growing a lot faster than he'd expected and soon Jackson finds himself grinning down at his penis under the duvet.

It worked. It actually worked -- it's bigger than it was before, much bigger, but not in a way that looks gross. Jackson just looks like he's really fucking well-endowed all of a sudden, and he has never been more pleased with himself than he is right now.

"I'm a fucking _genius_ ," Jackson breathes, and (not for the first time) he genuinely believes it.

Jackson practically sashays down to the main hall for breakfast that morning, strutting through Hogwarts with his hips forward and his impressively big new package pretty much on display under the thin black material of his trousers. Plenty of people stare -- a couple of girls blush at the sight of it and Jackson _loves_ that -- and when it comes to people’s eyes being instantly drawn to Jackson's crotch, his friends are no exception. In fact, as soon as he's within eyeshot of where they're all sat it's all they can focus on.

"Oh, Jesus fucking Christ." Mark sees him and immediately covers his face with shame. Kunpimook stares, Jinyoung wrinkles his nose in disgust, Yugyeom physically recoils and Jaebum simply closes his eyes in defeat.

Jackson just keeps grinning down at them smugly, waiting for Youngjae to finish eating his current mouthful of toast and jam and notice also.

It takes less than five seconds.

"What're you all-? Holy _penis_!" Youngjae openly gapes at Jackson's crotch before staring up at his face. "What the hell did you do?!"

Youngjae's still got his mouth hanging open and Jackson's dick pretty much right in his face; Jaebum reaches over with one finger to shut Youngjae's mouth again firmly. "Don't do that, Youngjae, he'll get ideas."

"I used magic on my dick," Jackson announces proudly, uncaring of the busy Great Hall and all the kids around who can no doubt hear him. "And it got massive!"

"We can see that," Kunpimook assures him at the same time Yugyeom gravely puts down a half-eaten sausage and says; "That's really fucking upsetting. Like- I don't even want to eat the rest of my breakfast any more. I'm so disturbed right now."

"You were lucky that didn't go really wrong," Jaebum tells Jackson seriously, "I don't think you should chance it again -- you know it works, now, you should stop."

Jackson lets out a burst of laughter, clambering onto the bench next to Jinyoung and ignoring his spluttering as the action inadvertently forces Jinyoung’s face to get up close and personal with Jackson's bulge. "Are you _kidding_?!" Jackson demands of Jaebum as Jinyoung goes diving onto Mark for safety. "This is _great_ \-- there's no way I'm giving up now!"

"But what if you keep going and your dick falls off?" Kunpimook offers, like he thinks it’ll sway Jackson’s decision at all. (And, to be honest, anyone else would probably take heed of this warning and abandon the ‘experiments’ here and now. Anyone but Jackson Wang, that is.)

Jackson himself just scoffs. "If that happens I'll just magic it back on again -- it'll be fine!"

"God, you're a fucking moron," Jinyoung mutters darkly.

Jackson ignores that comment, like he always does, and continues showing off his 'achievement' for the rest of the day.

The next rational step, as Jackson sees it, is to give himself a magical erection.

Honestly, he's expecting something pretty amazing. His junk still isn't back to its normal size thanks to the spell he cast the other day, and Jackson thinks that his new monster-dick will look simply _magnificent_ with a spell-induced hard-on on top.

So he wakes up that Saturday morning, when the dorm is empty as usual because Jackson always sleeps in later than the other boys on the weekends, and gets ready to cast what he believes will be the best spell of his life.

" _Erecto_ ," Jackson says confidently, grinning like a Cheshire Cat as his dick - slowly but surely, and Jackson idly notes that it looks like some kind of ancient Vampire penis rising from its coffin - begins to lift.

It takes about thirty seconds for this to happen, then finally stops when it's stood straight, which is when Jackson notices that something is off here. He frowns.

He's not hard.

For once in his life Jackson Wang is lying there with a fully erect, completely flaccid penis.

He didn't think this through.

Jackson pokes at it with the end of his wand, hoping to maybe coax some life into the thing, but nothing's happening. It just looks kind of sad -- Jackson doesn't like it at all.

" _Duro_ ," Jackson commands next, using his knowledge of magic to force himself to get hard.

And it works.

His dick does get hard -- like a fucking rock, actually -- but then that’s it. Nothing happens after that; it just sits there, about as entertaining and with as much feeling as a brick wall.

Jackson heaves a sigh. "This is disappointing."

“Uh… Knock knock?”

Jackson looks up with his eyebrows raised at the sound of Youngjae’s voice because he hadn’t heard him come in. Youngjae has his head poked around the door of the dormitory and this awkward look on his face like he’s never seen what is clearly a giant, erect dick under a bedsheet before.

Of course Jackson doesn’t feel awkward at all, and answers with a simple; “Yes?”

“Uh, the others are downstairs,” Youngjae starts slowly, “they want to go into Hogsmeade since it’s a Saturday. Are you- uh- available to join us?” Youngjae motions to Jackson’s ‘situation’ then, since it’s obviously the only thing that could stop Jackson from going.

And stop Jackson it does, since he lifts the covers again and grimaces at himself before looking back up at Youngjae and shaking his head. “Nope; spell didn’t work as well as it did last time.”

“Lord, you’re _still_ on that?”

“It’s for _science_ , Youngjae,” Jackson retorts firmly, using the muggle phrase Youngjae taught him so long ago which has been so convenient in Jackson’s life since.

Youngjae rolls his eyes. “Fine, whatever. I’ll go tell the others that you’re gonna stay here.”

“Sure. Have fun without me,” Jackson sighs sadly as Youngjae turns to leave, and just before the door closes behind him Jackson yells; “Buy me some chocolate frogs while you’re there!”

It’s not certain whether or not Youngjae heard him, though, and for a few moments Jackson wonders if they’ll come back with nothing at all to give him. He doesn’t have to worry long, however, because Youngjae soon pops his head around the door again with a message.

“Jinyoung asked me to tell you that you’re an idiot and you’re too stupid to be alive.”

“Cool, can you ask Jinyoung to get me some chocolate frogs from Honeydukes?” Jackson asks, brushing off the insult like it’s nothing -- because, honestly, by now he’s heard it so often that it hits him as light as a feather.

Youngjae frowns at the question. “You’re being very hopeful; Jinyoung never buys things for anyone.”

“Just ask!” Jackson insists, “And if he says no get Kunpimook to buy them. He always buys me shit.”

“Alright, fine,” Youngjae sighs wearily, trudging off out of the room again. “Have fun with your… Whatever.”

“Thanks, I will!” Jackson shouts after him cheerfully.

The cheer quickly ebbs away, though, when Jackson looks back down at his frozen dick and remembers that he genuinely does not know what to do with it right now. He reaches over the sheet with his finger to poke it but it doesn’t move at all-- Jackson can’t even feel the touch.

Nope, this was definitely not his greatest idea.

“Don’t do this. Please, _please_ \- for the love of god, please do not do this, Jackson.”

Jackson heaves a sigh.

All seven of them are lounging about on the grassy banks of the Great Lake, enjoying what’s left of the Sunday sun before they have to start another long week of lessons tomorrow. Jackson’s dick is finally back to how it was before - normal size and everything - thanks to some sort of potion Mark and Kunpimook found the recipe for in some dusty old library book and a few long hours of waiting for the super-hard-super-erection to go down. The others in their little friendship group obviously thought that this would be it, now -- Jackson must be done, since his last attempt went so wrong -- but the others in this little group are wrong.

Jackson’s not done, not even a little bit.

See, he had a long time to think while he was waiting for his junk to settle down, and whilst thinking Jackson came to a conclusion. The spells only didn’t work, he’s decided, because they’d been cast one after the other. Hell, there were even a couple of days between the first charm and the other two -- no wonder it didn’t work!

So Jackson is going to try again. The exact same thing, the exact same spells, except this time he’ll use them all simultaneously and it will be magnificent.

Finally, after all this time, Jackson Wang will truly do justice to his family name.

Unfortunately, his friends don’t share Jackson’s enthusiasm.

“What happens when you get the spells wrong and your dick explodes all over us?” Mark asks, laid out on the grass and casually using Jinyoung’s tummy as a pillow. “Do you even know how to cast three spells at once?”

Jackson shrugs. “Dunno, but it can’t be that hard.”

“Famous last words,” Jaebum mutters as Jinyoung announces; “Like, I knew you were stupid, but I didn’t know it’d gotten _this_ bad. I can’t believe the Sorting Hat thought about putting you in Slytherin with me, _ugh_.”

“It’s quite a big jump from Slytherin to Hufflepuff,” Yugyeom comments, “the Hat must have been having an off-day.”

“Hey, Slytherin would have been _honoured_ to have me!” Jackson tells them indignantly, ignoring Jinyoung’s scoff of ‘ _yeah, right_ ’ and brandishing his wand with a huff, pointing it right at his crotch. “Fuck all you guys, I’m doing it. I’m casting the spells.”

There’s a collective groan from the other six but no one stops him. They can see there’s no point.

“Oh god, I can’t watch this!” Kunpimook wails, but doesn’t even avert his gaze as Jackson takes a deep breath and mutters all three spells in quick succession.

For a second, nothing happens. Then, suddenly-

“ _Shit_!”

Jackson’s junk is swelling and growing and hardening at an alarming rate, forcing the button to burst off of his trousers and tearing the zip and Youngjae screams and so does Kunpimook and Mark and Jinyoung are scrambling to get out of the way and Jaebum’s grabbing his own head in a panic but not actually doing anything to help and Jackson’s dick is getting bigger and bigger and it’s terrifying it’s painful it’s agonizing it-

“ _Finite incantatem! FINITE INCANTATEM!_ ” Yugyeom bellows, over and over again with his wand pointed firmly at Jackson’s inflated dick-monster until it starts to shrivel up and shrink again, which is even more painful than when it was getting bigger but at least Jackson isn’t scared of being crushed by his own junk any more.

Once it’s over -- Jackson momentarily incapacitated from the last few crippling, shooting pains coming from his now normal-sized crotch -- there are a few long moments of silence, broken only by the boys’ heavy breathing and Jackson’s pitiful whimpers.

Eventually Yugyeom is the first to move, tucking his wand back into his pocket and smoothing his hands down his Ravenclaw jumper with a shaky breath. “Hyung,” he says, looking down at Jackson gravely. “Stop fucking with your dick. Please.”

Jackson whines pathetically and nods his head, curling into a ball on the grass because he’s never been in so much pain. He decides there and then that he’s done with the experiments for the foreseeable future, and he won’t be trying any more penis spells ever again.

Not on his own dick, at least.


End file.
